Pinned to the ground
A man’s five fingers press into my back and legs and neck
So heavy, he must not be human
For what human can hold another down with a single hand?
And the voice travels down from far away
As though his head is the heavens
And his hand only an executor of his will
‘You are trash’
‘You are trash’
The voice is menacing and so sure
Not insecure in the least
This is not a play yard bully, nor a malicious friend
This is evil itself
And he is not kidding
Worse than the painful pressure of his fingertips
Is that I believe him
And as the stars circle above my head
And my body gives up
The air in my lungs is replaced by shame
As if I had the wind knocked out of me
But like air, the one thing I need to live is hope
And now he’s here telling me that I have absolutely none
Because I have nothing to offer
And I am trash
As the dream restarts and the voice begins
I am mercifully, rapidly sent
Out of my nightmare
That voice almost killed me
Because I thought it was true
But when I woke, I knew there was one that loved me
Love saw me as a whole person
Who was trying and failing
But in the end, was a little bit like him
And that’s enough
Enough to not be trash, but rather a human
With hopes and fears and faults
And the potential be much more
If I also chose to love like him